Friday, May 8, 2009

21 Secrets You Never Need to Share


Girl Secret1. That you do pelvic-floor exercises to get you through that really dull meeting.

2. You got ever so drunk one night, pulled the horrible, but inexplicably magnetic, barman in your local, and it was HOT.

3. That you once dreamt you snogged your uncle.

4. About the one time you just couldn't wait and peed in the bush outside your house.

5. Every now and then, you have to pluck out an extremely long, blonde facial hair.

6. You've tried desperately not to, but you still fancy one of your boyfriend's friends.

7. You sometimes irrationally fret that ghosts do exist and thus your long-dead grandma can see every little immoral thing you do.

8. Whenever you walk past a building site you pretend to talk on your mobile to avoid the 'Alright, sweetheart?' sleazy chat.

9. You shoplifted a Snickers when you were 12 - and felt a delicious thrill at getting away with it.

10. You talk to your cat in a baby voice.

11. The insane jealousy you feel for your little sister, who looks just like you - only younger. Not fair.

12. That you couldn't find Poland on a map if your life depended on it.

13. You'll never understand why people think sex on the beach is romantic. You want sand there?!

14. You sometimes fantasize that your infuriatingly me-me-me colleague has a horrible accident and loses her voice.

15. That you think your friend's baby looks a bit like Yoda from Star Wars.

16. Your local MP could be called Delilah Stardust for all you know.

17. You've been known to look at Facebook pictures up to, oh, three times a day.

18. You go to art galleries to feel sophisticated, but are actually largely bored.

19. That you once read his text messages and then felt really guilty because there was nothing remotely incriminating.

20. You agree with Sex And The City's Samantha that, "They don't call it a blow job for nothing, honey."

21. That the gorgeous three-course "home-cooked" meal you served his parents wasn't just food, it was M&S food.

- GM

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